<- Fianlly he sleeps..... ->
Fianlly he sleeps...it is a wonder to watch :-). He is an enigma to be certain, but then again most of you know that. (No I didn't say anything about enemas, geez I need to get away from the hospital crowd more often.)
Shortly after I met Grimm I decided I needed to start writing a diary I described him as a man/child. It fits him; only more like an elder/man/child. Does that make sense to anyone. He has seen the entire world, but there is an entire world he hasn't seen. He exudes charisma and confidence and at times the look of fear and confusion in his eyes tears your heart in two, all the while he snarls his lack of caring. He has an angelic face...well it is once you get past the broken-too-many-times nose and the miscellaneous scars. Still he is beautiful...and striking...and intimidating...and yes sexy (a word I think is way overused but fitting here). All in all he is WONDEFUL. (He says he is gruesome...see he IS wrong at times. Don't tell him he won't believe you anyway.)
The one thing I want from this life is to show him the good of this world, he has seen enough of the bad I think.
And finally after days of mostly no sleep at all he rests...
Can anyone tell we have had more rough days lately? Nothing makes one appreciate their world like the thought of losing it. Growing pains? probably. Insomnia induced stress? possibly. My insecurities playing havoc with my abilities to form lasting and functional adult relationship bonds? well of course...
I started writing my previous journal because I had enbarked on a new journey. A journey to where I didn't know. Would I survive? Would I finish this journey? Was it all a huge mistake? I figured writing my thoughts down might help me to find the answers to the multitude of questions floating in my head..namely what in the hell was I doing getting a divorce from a man I knew still loved me after 12 years?
(Good question! It seems he loved the me I once was...the one who planned her life in 5 year incriments, cooked dinner for her man and drove 30 minutes each way for the joy of taking it to him everynight at work, the one who had no needs of her own, made no deciscions on her own, etc...not the me I had/have become.)
Never the less the diary lasted all of about a week. I found it was incredibly busy work starting over...new job, single motherhood, and the pull of a wonderful friend newly relocated to the area that I couldn't stop thinking of....
That friend I still can't stop thinking of, worrying over, loving. Soon I will finish listening to the music he made for me to go hold him in his sleep, gently stroke his hair and whisper the things I am afraid to tell him while he is awake.... just how incredible he truly is.
- - 2004-03-02
Coming Soon - 2003-12-01
what if........ - 2003-09-25
I need a vacation - 2003-08-25
Fianlly he sleeps..... - 2003-06-28
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